The Secret Life of Sirius Orion Black
by Saltwater Insomniac
Summary: This is not a happy tale. In this story, no one wins and everyone loses everything they have ever held dear to them." From Azkaban, 32 year old Sirius Black reveals just how much he lost the night Lily and James Potter were murdered. Rated T for language
1. Prologue

**A/N: Just something I've been playing around with in my head for a while. The first chapter is already written and should be up very shortly. I just made brownies this morning and I'll give you one if you review :P **

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The Secret Life of Sirius Orion Black

_Prologue:_

My name is Sirius Orion Black. I am thirty-two years old, and I am completely devoid of life.

Once it was not so. I had the other Marauders-James, Peter, Remus. I had a wife-no, not a wife, but a woman who I loved dearly. Not my wife, but close enough, and I had a daughter. My daughter.

All gone now, each in their own ways. Some to death's inescapable hold, others into a blacker darkness than even I could imagine, and some withdrawn into their own hearts.

This is not a happy tale. In this story, no one wins and everyone loses everything they have ever held dear to them. Mothers, daughters, sons, fathers, friends…All are lost in the end.

From this cold prison cell in Azkaban, I relay to you the events leading up to this tragedy as they happened to me. In telling this, I do not wish to seek comfort, pity, or help. I merely seek to tell, so that the ones to whom it will mean the most may understand why I've done the things I have, and how it all came to pass.

This is not a happy tale. In this story, no one wins and everyone loses. Trust me when I assure you that you will not live to see the day when the wrongs against the innocent are set right. This is not a happy tale.

My name is Sirius Orion Black, and this is my story.


	2. Chapter One

**A/N: So here's chapter one. I don't have a beta, so if you find any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes, do please let me know. As always, reviews are rewarded with brownies. **

**BLANKET DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but this pan of freshly-baked, delectable brownies.**

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CHAPTER ONE:

The man appeared on the street with a faint pop, and immediately crossed to stand beneath the windows of an old apartment buil

The man appeared on the street with a faint pop, and immediately crossed to stand beneath the windows of an old apartment building. He paused here for a moment, just visible beneath the streetlamp. Anyone looking at him would have known instantly that something awful had happened. His face was ghostly pale, and he was trembling from head to toe, but that wasn't the worst of it. It was something about the way he moved, with the reckless abandon of a man who has just lost everything, the slightly hysterical look apparent on his face even in the dim light.

The man ran a hand through his long hair, pulling something from his pocket before ducking into the shadows. A moment later, he reappeared several stories up, swimming himself onto the fire escape. He strode to the window, hand fluttering to his pocket. A moment later, there was a flash of light. He slid the window open easily and climbed through it with the grace of someone who had done it before, many times.

The room he entered was that of a young girl. Various posters of alluring French models hung on the walls, and a white vanity covered in expensive-looking toys sat near the window. Stowing his wand away, the man called Sirius Black ran a hand over the all-too familiar Alice in Wonderland quilt and gazed at the child sleeping beneath it.

She could not have been more than three years old, if that. Her jet black hair was sticking out a bit from rolling over so many times, and in her arms she clutched a stuffed dog.

Dropping to his knees, Sirius stroked her hair. The girl rolled towards him, her eyes fluttering open sleepily. Upon seeing him, her eyes widened, and she opened her mouth to speak. Suddenly, there was a loud crash, followed by the sound of high heeled shoes coming towards the room. Sirius covered her mouth with one hand, pressing a finger of the other to his lips. The door to the room swung open and Sirius disappeared beneath the bed.

The woman who entered the room smelled strongly of alcohol and perfume. Her hair was piled on top of her head, and she wore a red dress, a glass of something dark colored in one hand. Stumbling over the carpet and cursing none too softly, she leaned over the bed-the girl's eyes were now shut-and kissed her twice on the cheek, murmuring something French in a hoarse voice. She straightened and walked passed the ridiculously large armoire to the vanity, from which she picked up a small, pink ceramic pig. She shook this until several crumpled bank notes fell into her waiting palm. Replacing the pig, she made her way back to the door, pausing to sip her drink and give the girl another kiss.

Once the door had closed again, Sirius was sitting on the bed in a flash. The girl's eyes popped open.

"Hey there," he whispered as she flung her arms around him, dropping the stuffed dog in the process. "How are you doing, little lady?"

"Me and Snuffie missed you," she said, pulling back but still clinging to his hand.

"Snuffie did, huh?" Sirius said softly, gently picking up the stuffed dog and handing in back to her.

"Don't go," she told him, burying her face in his shirt. "I don't want you to go." Sirius put his arms around her again, rocking her gently for a while, his eyes becoming glassy with tears.

After what seemed like an eternity, but was still not long enough-it was never long enough-Sirius gently laid her back down on the pillows. She mumbled something, barely coherent through her sleepy lips.

"Shhh," Sirius soothed. "Shh. Go to sleep, sweetheart. I have to go away for a while this time, but I'll come back."

"Oh…" came the sleepy reply, "…kay."

"I love you, little girl," he promised her, a tear finally escaping to run down his face.

"Love you too," she sighed, clutching Snuffie closer to her.

Really crying now, but trying hard not to show it, he bent down and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I love you," he whispered again. She smiled in her sleep and then rolled over with a content sigh.

Getting to his feet, Sirius looked at her one last time.

"I'll be back," he said softly. "I promise."


End file.
